What To Do If Your Child With ADHD Is Stealing

There are some connections between attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and risky behavior. One way risky behavior can manifest, regardless of whether a child does or does not have a medical condition like ADHD, is stealing.

When a parent notices their child's stealing, it's a hard time. You're scared for your child - especially if the behavior is consistent - and rightfully so. Of course, there's a difference between your three-year-old daughter taking candy once and a teenager stealing clothes, money, and other items regularly. So, how do you know when it's serious, and what can you do if your child's stealing?

In this article, we'll talk about understanding why a child is stealing, what to do when a child's caught stealing, and when to be concerned. Then, we'll discuss getting help for stealing behavior in children.

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Understanding Why Your Child Is Stealing

Regardless of why a child steals, parents must take action. Still, context matters. Kids might steal despite having their own money or access to the kind of items they take, leaving parents confused. Why would a child steal when their needs are met? When parents understand why a child's stealing, they're able to understand and potentially better address the root of the problem. With that in mind, here are some common reasons children steal:

Impulse control

There is some research on the connection between various conditions and stealing. Specifically, conditions that affect impulse control. This isn't an excuse for stealing, but it may mean that children need additional care and coping skills.

Pressure from other children

Kids may steal because they want to fit in with other kids. This can manifest in different ways. For example, a child may steal an item (or money to buy the item) to fit in with friends, or they might steal because their friends are stealing, too.

Attention

Sometimes, a child steals because they want more attention or affection from people in their life. Children don't always have the tools to understand or communicate their emotions and needs effectively. In turn, they may steal, start breaking items, or otherwise act out to get that attention.

Trouble understanding consequences

Children with ADHD and other disorders sometimes have more trouble understanding the consequences of their actions. It isn't an excuse for stealing behavior, but it does mean that some kids with ADHD or another medical condition could need more education on the consequences of certain actions or behaviors.

Testing rules and limits

At an early age, kids might steal to test rules and limits. While kids must hear an explanation as to why stealing is wrong and endure behavioral corrections regardless, their developmental stage is important to consider. Kids usually start to understand and show respect for other people's belongings at 3-5 years old, so whether you have younger kids or an older child can make a difference.

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What To Do About Stealing

Yelling, accusations, or branding a child as a "thief" are more apt to make the situation worse. Still, it can be frustrating and hard for parents to know what to do when they know a child's stealing, whether children have stolen from family members in their own home, from another child's house, from their teacher, or from the store. Here are some steps to take if your child is stealing.

Talk to your child

Remain calm and explain to your child why stealing is wrong. Discuss how it can affect the child's life and other people's. If you haven't already, this is a great time to ask the child why they stole money or another item.

Verbalize the question carefully with a gentle, compassionate tone. An example of how to ask why a child stole could be, "This doesn't seem like something you'd usually do. So that I understand, can you tell me why?" Alternatively, for kids who have stolen multiple times before, you might say, "This doesn't seem like your personality. Can you tell me why so that I understand?" In some cases, this could be what gives a parent the tools to address stealing best.

Especially if it's not the first time, it's critical to get to the bottom of why a child's stealing without unintentionally branding them as a "bad kid" or branding the stealing as a persistent trait. Make sure they get a true understanding of the impacts of stealing.

Set consequences

It's critical that kids don't benefit from negative behaviors like stealing. Set consequences, follow through with those consequences, and let kids know that punishment results from the behavior - it is not aimed at them as a person. Again, age and developmental stage are important factors to consider. An older child or teen will be more apt to understand the consequences of stealing and require stricter approaches.

Help the child return items

In the last paragraph, we touched on how important it is that kids don't benefit from stealing. Once you explain why stealing isn't okay, help the child return the items if possible. This is a lesson in accountability, and it is a way to correct behavior. Talk through how to apologize to the individual they speak to when they return items. Again, the goal is not to shame a child, but to teach your child how to behave ethically and right their wrongs.

Keep kids busy

Alongside efforts to tackle stealing, look at the rest of your child's life. Do they have a chore list you can reward them for completing? What's their life like in school and after school throughout the week? Of course, adding routines, activities, and responsibilities to a child's life isn't a sole way to address stealing, but it is important to take a holistic approach and make sure that children have ways to fill their time that are enjoyable, rewarding, or promote responsibility and personal growth.

Provide healthy outlets to express themselves

Children need healthy outlets. This can go alongside keeping kids busy. Examples of healthy outlets for kids can include but aren't limited to:

• Coping strategies for times when emotions run high, like journaling, spending time outdoors, consulting a trusted person in their life, or something else.
• Creative activities, like music, art, or theater.
• Social activities, like clubs and groups.
• Active hobbies, like sports.

A child will benefit most from having coping strategies to use in an emotionally difficult moment in addition to routine hobbies that serve as an outlet and help kids boost self-esteem. Think about what your child enjoys and what might be most helpful for them.

Reward honesty and good behavior

Kids with ADHD can be more prone to lying frequently. Often, the reason for this is that a child with ADHD feels overwhelmed, ashamed, or because they're unable to understand why they behave in certain ways. Kids truly may not know what leads them to steal. This can play into the desire to cover up stealing behavior (kids may lie to avoid punishment), so it's essential that parents know how to navigate it. Encourage honesty, and let them know that you're here to help. Take care to reward other positive behaviors in your child, too, whether through verbal praise of other means.

When to Be Concerned

It is imperative that kids get support when they need it. How do you know when stealing is a cause for concern? Here are some signs to look out for:

• Stealing behaviors are ongoing (a child has stolen multiple times even after you have explained why it is not okay)
• They appear to engage in compulsive stealing (a child may want to stop but feel unable to do so)
• Stealing behaviors could be a part of a condition (such as OCD)

Above all else, listen to your gut. If you're concerned with your child's behavior, talk to a medical professional about what's going on. Medical professionals may be able to give parents reassurance and guidance on what to do next. Every child is different, and a medical professional whom you can share your child's background and story with can give individualized advice.

Getting Help

Working with a therapist, psychologist, counselor, or social worker in talk therapy can help children and teens overcome stealing and other concerns that may coincide. Alongside other goals, mental health professionals who provide talk therapy can help children:

• Identify and express emotions. Some kids steal or otherwise act out because they feel big emotions they don't know how to express or cope with.
• Manage impulses moving forward. Therapy can aid impulse control in kids with ADHD and other conditions (e.g., bipolar disorder).
• Understand and navigate the root of the problem.
• Improve self-esteem and overall mental health.
• Learn coping skills.

A primary care doctor may be able to refer your family to a mental health professional who offers talk therapy for children and adolescents, or you can look for a mental health professional to reach out to through an online search or therapist directory. If you have health insurance, you can also call your insurance company for recommendations in your area.

Takeaway

It can be frustrating and scary when a child steals. While the problem should not be brushed off as normal, many parents are facing the same problem, and you aren't alone. It is possible for parents to help their child stop stealing. A combination of professional support and conversations, consequences, and other at-home approaches is most ideal.