How to Help a Child with Social Anxiety

Struggling to adjust in social settings, like at play dates and birthday parties can be a normal part of child development, to an extent. For children, large groups of people can invoke anxiety even for the most outgoing kids so it is important to be prepared with the tools and strategies available to help ease that discomfort your child feels. 

Keep reading to learn more about social anxiety disorder, what causes social anxiety disorder, and various strategies for managing anxiety in children.

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What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

Social anxiety disorder, or what was once known as social phobia, is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where the child feels they might be judged or ridiculed by others. 

Sharon Saline, PsyD, indicated that children and teens with social anxiety disorder tend to focus on what they believe other people are thinking about them, which is typically something outside of reality. 

For instance, children with social anxiety disorder tend to experience intense anxiety about various triggers including speaking in front of other people, reading out loud, fear of being evaluated by others, and fear of embarrassment. Children with social anxiety disorder worry in many social situations such as in school, in sports, at play dates, and at family reunions.

Symptoms of social anxiety involve four components, according to Dr. Saline:

• Cognitive: conscious thoughts based on negative core beliefs
• Behavioral: safety-seeking behaviors such as avoidance
• Emotional: self-doubt and self-criticism
• Physiological: blushing, shaking, stuttering, perspiring

Once an issue has been established, Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist says the next step is to "break down the situation so you can try to figure out what might be challenging for your child. Is it the separation from parents? Meeting new children? Being in large social events? Fear of the unknown?" From there, you can begin to implement strategies such as guided relaxation, reframing thoughts, teaching friendship skills, having open communication, and seeking help from a professional, if needed.

What Causes Social Anxiety?

Research has indicated that social anxiety can be caused by many factors which include family history, negative experiences, temperament, new social demands, or having a condition that draws attention. 

• Traits that are inherited by families. Typically, anxiety disorders tend to run in families. However, there is a considerable debate in the research regarding whether anxiety is a learned behavior or something inherited through genetics. Genetics can influence disorders like anxiety and ADHD.
• Brain structure can be a contributing factor. Individuals who have an overactive amygdala, or the part of the brain that has a large role in controlling the fear response, may have more anxiety in social situations.
• The environment. Social anxiety may also be a learned behavior. After unpleasant or embarrassing situations, individuals might develop significant anxiety.

How to Help Your Child Deal with Social Anxiety

If your child experiences symptoms commonly associated with social anxiety, it is important to try and understand the nature of these issues and develop coping techniques to help manage these symptoms. 

As a parent, there are a variety of strategies that can help your anxious child learn ways to deal with these fears and ultimately overcome social anxiety. Keep reading to find out more.

Guided relaxation techniques 

Teaching your child various ways to calm the anxious response is an adaptive coping mechanism they can use whenever they begin to feel the intense physical symptoms of anxiety.

Deep breathing is an effective way to calm rapid heart rates and shallow breathing, especially if you believe your child is having a panic attack. For instance, teach your child to pretend they are blowing up a balloon while engaging in deep breathing. You can also count with your child to help slow down breathing (4 counts in, 4 counts hold, 4 counts out).

Your child might also benefit from utilizing guided imagery. With guided imagery, your child can take a calming adventure in their mind while also engaging in deep breathing. 

Guided relaxation strategies are beneficial coping skills and calming techniques that every child should learn, whether they have anxiety or not.

Teach them how to reframe thoughts 

Many children with anxiety disorders, not just social anxiety, are often overwhelmed by the negative beliefs that reinforce these negative thoughts. These beliefs tend to include the following:

• Assuming the worst case scenario 
• Believing that others see them negatively 
• Overreacting
• Personalizing

When your child has these beliefs and negative thoughts, you might start noticing them avoiding social situations. Therefore, teaching your child to recognize these negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones are helpful strategies in reducing anxious feelings and ultimately, helping your child's anxiety. 

Practice friendship skills

If your child is having a difficult time making friends, it can be helpful to strategies like role-playing and modeling to help your child feel more at ease when they are initiating play with their peers.

You can practice the following friendship skills with your child:

• making eye contact
• greetings
• starting conversations
• listening and responding

Practice makes perfect! The more you practice these skills with your child, the more comfortable they will feel in social interactions.

Praise progress

All children do well with positive reinforcement and praise, whether they got an A on a math test or they scored a goal in their soccer game. 

If your child does something that would typically make them anxious, be sure to shower them with plenty of praise. This will help build your child's self esteem and also encourage this behavior in the future.

Have open communication

Talking with your child directly and openly is an effective way to serve as an outlet for their anxiety. You and your child can discuss their fears and what exactly is making them nervous so that a plan can be put in place. 

Open communication with your child gives them a space where they feel safe to talk about their stress and different emotions they may be feeling. It also gives you the opportunity to better understand social anxiety and how it affects your child.

Seek help from a mental health professional

If you believe that your child's social anxiety is negatively affecting their ability to function in school and socialize with peers, in or out of school, it may be worth it to seek an evaluation from a mental health professional. 

With professional help, children learn ways to cope with anxiety symptoms and manage stress. The strategies they learn in treatment are helpful techniques they will carry on with them well into adulthood.

Here are some places to consider:

• Your child's school counselor
• Your child's pediatrician, who can refer you to a mental health professional
• A local children's health clinic
• A local mental health clinic

Signs of Social Anxiety

What differentiates a child that is "shy" to a child that has "social anxiety?" Feelings of shyness or slight discomfort within certain situations aren't considered the same as social anxiety. In contrast to everyday shyness, social anxiety includes marked fear, anxiety, and avoidance that often interferes with daily functioning. 

Some signs to be aware of in children who may have social anxiety:

• avoiding interacting with unfamiliar people
• avoiding eye contact
• fear of situations in which you could be judged negatively
• intense fear of interacting with others
• worry about embarrassing or humiliating oneself
• intense fear or anxiety during social situations
• fear of speaking in front of others
• avoidance of sports or other group activities with fear of peers scrutinizing performance

Read the signs for when to worry about your child's anxiety.

Takeaway

Social anxiety can cause a significant amount of stress for a child and can negatively impact school performance, social relationships, and self-esteem, as well as other areas of functioning. As a parent, it can be painful to watch your child struggle in social situations. Luckily, you can help by better understanding the nature of the symptoms and how they present, as well as teaching your child ways to cope with social anxiety. With continued practice and use of these skills, your child will be on their way to living a happier and more stress-free life!