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There are a number of different reasons why one child may give up more easily than another.
Getting frustrated quickly, which is common in kids with ADHD, having an adult who steps in and finishes the task the moment a child shows distress, or the fear of failure and embarrassment are all possible contributing factors.
No matter what the case is, teaching kids to keep working hard when they want to quit is possible. So, how can you help your child who gives up easily and show them how to persevere?
In this article, we'll discuss how parents can help their kids stop giving up and start following through, such as setting goals, praising the process, and using positive self-talk.
Tips For Motivating A Child Who Gives Up Easily
If your child is one to avoid challenges, there are ways to turn it around. No one is born with all of the tools they need in life. Parents and other adults must help young people develop the skills necessary to be high achievers - and that doesn’t mean being perfectionistic or harsh. Use these tips to help your child develop a growth mindset and keep working toward goals, even when things get tough. First, let's talk about how Joon can help.
Try Joon To Help
Joon is a to-do app and game that acts as a reward system for children. Geared toward kids ages 6-12+ with ADHD and related disorders, using Joon is an excellent way to help a child start and finish tasks without giving up. Here's how it works:
First, parents install the Joon Parent App and create a customized task list for their children. You can add unlimited tasks, from homework and chores to self-care activities and other parts of your child's routine. Kids connect with a separate app called Joon Pet Game, which you can download on the same device as Joon Parent App or a device that belongs exclusively to your child. When children finish the tasks adults assign, they get rewards that allow them to care for a virtual pet called a Doter and move forward in the game.
90% of kids who use Joon finish all of their assigned tasks. Many users say that Joon has improved their parent-child relationship, and the app is rated an average of 4.7 out of 5 stars. Even better, Joon is backed by professionals such as occupational therapists, teachers, and child psychologists.
Click here to claim your free trial today.
Don't do the task for your child
Many parents have a tendency to step in and complete tasks for their children. While this is generally done with positive intentions, research shows that kids are less likely to persist if an adult takes over. Ideally, kids should learn how to figure things out and find a solution on their own. Mistakes happen, but parents should focus most on guiding their kids in the right direction and helping them learn how to find solutions instead of completing a task for their child.
Help kids find their passions
Helping your child find something they love can have an array of benefits. Take note of your child's interests and ideas. Then, encourage them. It doesn't matter what it is. Your child might like to play soccer, do gymnastics, sing, make art, learn about insects, or do something else. Share excitement over the topics your child cares about.
Passions are often healthy coping mechanisms, ways to connect with others, and sources of pride, enjoyment, or hope, all in one. In many cases, they also require persistence to some degree. For example, a singer might need practice to reach a new note, or an artist might need extensive practice to learn to draw hands.
If your child hasn't found what they love yet, help them explore the world. Try new activities (making recipes, going to the museum, etc.) together and notice what they gravitate toward.
Set small and large goals
Small and large goals both have a time and place. Let's say that a child's goal is to read a certain number of books during their Summer vacation. This is a big goal. A smaller goal would be to read a certain number of books per week - maybe, 1 or 2.
Setting both goals means that a kid will get a rush from meeting smaller goals often enough that they will feel a sense of hope and encouragement regularly, which can inspire them to work hard to meet large goals, too.
Get outside help
It’s essential to find a sweet spot between your child's comfort zone and pushing them too hard or having unrealistic expectations. There are times when outside help will be necessary. Notice whether something could be affecting your child's ability to follow through on or find success in certain tasks.
Learning disabilities, for example, require extra care, accommodations, and support. Common learning disabilities include Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, and Dysgraphia. If you suspect that your child could have a learning disability or another condition, look into testing in your area.
Even when that's not the case, kids who struggle in school for any reason might need extra help from a teacher, tutor, or both. Similarly, those who experience a hurdle in extracurricular activities might need additional support from a teacher or coach.
Still, these are just some examples of when extra help could be valuable or necessary. A child with mental health or life concerns that influence the way they think or feel about themselves could benefit from working with a therapist, psychologist, or counselor. In any case, if there's a need for more help, don't hesitate to reach out for it.
Praise the process
Positive praise for kids can be a huge motivator, but the way you dole it out makes a difference.
"Person praise" refers to any expressed admiration that labels a person rather than their effort. While it may seem beneficial to tell a child, "You're so smart," it can create a fixed mindset (e.g., "I need to be smart; I can't fail"), leading to anxiety or giving up when a child isn't good at something right away.
On the other hand, "process praise" focuses on the effort someone puts in as they learn or work toward an end goal. This is more apt to promote a growth mindset (e.g., "If I work hard, I can learn and grow.")
When parenting your child, give them "process praise" rather than deliver "person praise" or focus on the outcome. For example, you might praise kids for their hard work on an assignment rather than their grade or their intellect. That way, children learn that their effort pays off and is valued.
Offer easier alternatives to boost confidence
Often, the best way to inspire confidence is to show kids that they can succeed. Most of us can think of a time when we felt proud to have achieved something, and it inspired us to persevere, whether that meant beating a level on a video game and wanting to keep going or meeting a milestone when learning an instrument and chasing the feeling of continuing to get better.
Have realistic expectations and give your child opportunities to get success. Breaking a big task down into smaller steps and congratulating each along the way, brainstorming ways to approach a difficult task differently, or giving children more manageable responsibilities are all examples.
Use your own goals as an example
Most likely, there's been a time in your life when you had trouble finding success with a new task. You could've failed your driving test multiple times prior to getting your license, or you could have had to take a class twice in school. Maybe, you loved basketball as a kid but had to work hard to get on a team. Give your child a pep talk and explain a situation you were in where you wanted to give up but didn't. Teach kids that failure isn't something to fear; it's part of the learning process. Some parents even find it valuable to share anecdotes from celebrities who failed prior to finding success.
Kids tend to learn from watching older family members and copying their behavior - especially parents. Set your own goals continuously and share them with your child, especially if they relate to your child's goals. For example, you might share with your child that you intend to finish a book this week and tell them about it. You might even set a similar goal together. If you run into a hurdle, talk about how you will overcome it (e.g., "I didn't finish the book on time, but that's okay because I did my best. I can read the rest this week.")
Practice self-control
Helping kids develop self-control when it comes to following through on tasks can be crucial. Self-control often brings someone from "I can't do it, I give up" to "I'll find a way to get this done." The key is to ensure children have the problem-solving tools necessary to execute it.
When a child expresses that they want to quit, listen and talk through it together. Teach children to take breaks when they are frustrated, ask for help when they're stumped or use problem-solving skills to approach things differently rather than quit.
Promote positive self-talk
Positive self-talk is an important skill that will support your child now as well as in the future. Words of affirmation like "All I have to do is try my best," "I've done hard things before and can do it again," and "I believe in myself to learn" can help children keep going. Practice positive self-talk with your child regularly so that they learn how to use it. Since positive self-talk is advantageous for people of all ages, it is something that you can work together on as a family.
The more frequently a person practices positive self-talk, the more natural it becomes. This is due to neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain's ability to change over time. Research shows that positive self-talk is correlated with extensive benefits, including increased productivity and self-esteem. Raising kids to treat themselves with kindness and see themselves as capable helps them succeed in the world.
Takeaway
Children might give up easily for a number of different reasons. Fear of failure, frustration, or having others step in to complete a child's tasks when they want to quit are all common reasons a child may be more apt to throw in the towel. Thankfully, research shows that there are ways parents can help their children develop a growth mindset, raise self-esteem, and encourage independence. Parenting tips and techniques such as rewarding a child's effort, teaching kids problem-solving skills, encouraging positive self-talk, and acting as an example can be helpful. Families should seek extra support when it's needed or could be of value. For example, if a child has or might have a learning disability. The goal isn't to make things hard for a child. Instead, it's to give them the skills necessary to overcome hurdles and succeed.
About
Dr. Carrie Jackson, PhD
