How To Motivate A Passive Child: Expert Tips & Strategies

Passive children tend to share a set of characteristics. These characteristics include but aren't limited to showing little interest, drive, or passion in activities, going with what others think rather than expressing their opinion, and having trouble standing up for one's own rights.

While a passive child may be well-behaved, parents may notice a child's lack of assertiveness or motivation in their daily life and wonder what to do. The good news is that teaching passive children to be more assertive and confident is possible.

In this article, we'll talk about how to motivate a passive child through practices like observing their behaviors, accepting their needs, and providing extra support.

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How To Motivate A Passive Child

An active child may be expressive, opinionated, and approach other children easily. Passive children can be more likely to internalize feelings, daydream, and wait to engage until others approach them. Every child is different, and motivating a passive child isn't about changing who they are by any means. In fact, it's about instilling a strong sense of self and giving kids the life skills they need to confidently navigate the world. Use these tips to understand your child and increase their motivation.

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Observe their behaviors

Take note of your child's behavior. Pay attention to their body language and other possible markers of their feelings or thoughts. Passive children's feelings often go overlooked, specifically in the case of a well-behaved, obedient passive child. Children often don't know how to share their emotions unless someone teaches them how. 

If you notice something, don’t point their behavior out directly. This could make them feel self-conscious. Instead, ask them open-ended, non-presumptive questions. What are they thinking about? If they've got free time and seem bored, what would they like to do? If they're in a room of people and seem uncomfortable, do they prefer to stay, or would they rather leave and get some quiet time?

What many people don't realize about passive children is that, if their feelings and needs aren't brought to light now, problems can build up and surface seemingly all at once when they're older. We'll talk more about how to support your child soon, but this is part of why there's such high importance in showing them that what they think or feel matters.

Take note of their interests

With passive children, it’s particularly important to encourage activities, skills, or interests that ignite passion. Take note of what your child likes to do - playing musical instruments, participating in a sport, learning about science, or something else.

You might find that passive children use their cell phone, watch TV, or play video games to fill their free time with few things that really light them up. This lack of interest in other activities is often partially due to low motivation and not knowing what they want. If your child hasn't yet discovered their interests, help them explore the world and involve them in activities where they'll be around kids their own age.

Don't force your child into an activity they don't like. Work together to find a comfortable environment. If a child's shy, they might prefer a less social extracurricular activity that meets for around an hour once a week, and that's okay. The idea is to help your child expand their world and skillset.

Don't overstimulate

Too much stimulation or pressure can cause stress for passive children. A passive child's family may not have the same needs, so parents and other family members (e.g., siblings) might not quite understand your child's needs as they relate to the environment around them, time away from other people, or more time to unwind after school and other activities. Families will sometimes unintentionally overstimulate passive children because of this.

If your child needs to take a break or go into the other room at a family get-together temporarily, that's okay. If they don't like loud noise, that's okay. There are times when you'll have to compromise or get creative to find solutions, but again, a passive child's needs matter just as much as everyone else's.

Use reinforcement

Positive reinforcement goes a long way for many children - not just passive kids! Use reinforcement to encourage behaviors that kids will need to succeed in the future. For example:

• School work. Sometimes, passive kids won't do what they need to at school or at home, but because they are quiet, they get overlooked once again. Use positive reinforcement, whether that is verbal or tangible (e.g., a reward system), to help them complete school assignments, chores, and other tasks.
• Emotional expression and opinions. Give your child positive reinforcement for sharing emotions or expressing their thoughts. In this scenario, use verbal praise and show interest in what the child says.

Accept their needs

Work to understand your child's needs once you scope them out through questions and observation once you scope them out through questions and observation. Once you know what those needs are, accept them. Passive children may need more alone time away from family and friends. They may need time to rest and "do nothing." As long as there's balance, this is healthy and okay. If you do have concerns about a child’s behavior or well-being, bring them up with a medical or mental health provider who can help. 

Support them

Kids with a passive nature need extra support as well as a positive, gentle approach from parents. Ways to support a passive child include but aren't limited to:

• Setting an example. Parents can lead by example when it comes to expressing emotions, meeting emotional or physical needs, assertiveness, drive to finish goals, and spending time on hobbies.
• Prioritizing open communication. Since passive children tend to let things go, teach them how to speak up and communicate. When a family member or friend hurts their feelings, do they know that they can go to a parent or teacher?
• Talking about mental health. Passive kids may internalize emotions. Talk about emotions (you may use examples from kid's books or props, like flashcards, that focus on different feelings), how to tell other people about emotions (e.g., "I'm feeling sad. Do you have time to listen?"), and coping tools.
• Guide them to and through activities. Increase your child's confidence by showing them that they can start and finish tasks even when it's hard. For example, if they encounter a tough math problem, you might help them problem-solve.

Takeaway

Every child is different. Though other kids may assert their needs, approach another child, or express interest in activities easily, children on the passive side tend to be more reserved. Sometimes, passive children are overlooked when they struggle with a school subject, mental health, or anything else that's a concern in the child's life. This can be particularly true for highly obedient or quiet children. Helping your child develop the skills they need to assert themselves, take care of themselves, and meet goals can enhance motivation and make a difference in your child's life long term.