How To Motivate Your Child To Listen Better

How do you get your child to listen? It's a common question for parents and families and can be particularly relevant to those who have children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Alongside other symptoms, ADHD can affect memory, listening, and communication. That said, there are ways to help your child become a better listener and follow through when you provide requests, and some of the things that will help the most may surprise you. So, what should you know?

In this article, we'll discuss the possibilities behind why your child isn't listening, ways to improve your child's listening skills and how Joon can help.

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Why Won't My Child Listen?

It can be frustrating when your child never seems to listen to what you say. Understanding what affects your child's listening skills can help you determine which pieces of advice are right for your family. Here are some common reasons children don't listen (or seem like they aren't listening):

• They don't understand. Children may need help understanding the instructions fully, or they may not understand why a certain task or action matters as much as it does.
• They forget or don't hear you. Many kids with ADHD experience forgetfulness and distractibility. If that's the case for your child, it could be that changing how you approach requests will be what helps most.
• They're perceived as someone who doesn't listen. If your child frequently hears from their family or teachers that they "don't listen," they may stop trying and consider that a fact about themselves. Even if you feel that your child doesn't listen on purpose or often, this will not motivate them to start. It will likely have the opposite effect.
• It is about control. Especially if there tends to be a power struggle, kids may refuse requests to establish autonomy. Again, approaching it differently can be helpful in this scenario.

Whether your kids are in the early years of their lives or you have older children, there are ways to get your child to listen more attentively. Now, let’s talk about what you can do. 

Ways To Improve Your Child's Listening Skills

Teaching kids listening skills can lead to fewer power struggles and less stress at home. Parents can get their child's attention and improve communication between themselves and their children, even with ADHD. Use these tips and strategies to help kids listen and follow through with instructions.

Try Joon to Help

Joon is an excellent way to promote good behavior, self-esteem, and listening skills in kids. Geared towards children with ADHD and related disorders ages 6-12+, Joon is a top-rated to-do app that doubles as a game. Here's how it works:

Parents start by installing the Joon Parent App. In the Joon Parent app, you will customize a task list for your child. Task lists are fully customizable, so you can add nearly anything - for example, homework, chores, or personal hygiene tasks. Kids connect with a separate app called Joon Pet Game. When children finish the tasks parents add to their child's to-do list, they get virtual rewards that allow them to move forward and take care of a pet in the game.

90% of children who use Joon complete all their tasks, and many parents say the app has improved their parent-child relationship.

Click here to try it for free.

Give one command at a time

If your child does not seem to follow directions, it could be that there's too much information to take in all at once. Give your child one command at a time rather than making numerous requests at once. For example, "Please put your plate in the sink" rather than "Please put your plate in the sink and wash your hands. Then, start your homework."

Break instructions down

Like giving a child one command at a time, breaking big tasks or tasks with multi-step instructions into smaller pieces can make them less daunting and easier to remember. That way, your child can focus on one goal or step at a time. Teaching kids to break instructions into smaller chunks can actually help them help themselves long-term. For example, if the instructions are for cleaning a large room or completing a project for school, teaching them how to take it one step at a time (rather than freeze or fail to start) can teach and aid time management skills, it just promotes better listening.

Use direct and specific language

Just as requests should be brief and come one at a time, they should be direct. Be specific about what you want your child to do and when you want them to do it. Rather than make requests in the form of questions (e.g., "Can you take the trash out?"), say something like, "Please take the trash out right now."

Be physically present

When talking to your child or providing instructions, make sure that you're physically present and have your child's full attention. Avoid shouting instructions from the other room. Instead, get face-to-face with your child when you talk.

Provide reasons

Provide a valid reason if your child asks "Why?" when you tell them to do something. Having a conversation about why a specific action matters (e.g., why removing dirty dishes from their room is important) is an opportunity to teach your child something they'll likely use throughout their life. For some, it's also the first step to getting kids to listen.

Ask them to repeat you

To ensure you and your child are on the same page, ask kids to repeat what you said back to you. That way, you can work out any discrepancies and make sure they understand. Gently ask, "What did I tell you to do?" If your child repeats it back correctly, thank them and tell them to go complete the task.

Give praise when kids listen

Positive attention can be a major motivator. When your child's behavior is reflective of what you ask, praise the specific action. For example, if you ask your child to put their dirty clothes in the hamper and they do it, praise them by saying, "Thank you for putting your clothes in the hamper! That was so helpful."

Physical rewards can help aid better behavior, too. Younger children may benefit from small rewards like stickers; older kids may benefit from token systems, experiences, and other age-appropriate rewards.

Avoid negative remarks

Again, you want to encourage kids in a positive way. It's not to say that parents should avoid giving a child consequences, but it is critical to ensure that your family doesn't unintentionally communicate the message that you expect a child to fail in using listening skills. For example, if your child forgets to put their dishes in the sink, don't exclaim, "Of course you didn't put your dishes in the sink!" Instead, use patience and remind them. Again, praise can be highly beneficial once your child completes the task.

Model listening skills

Children tend to adopt their parent's behavior. As a result, modeling listening skills can be one of the best ways to teach a child to listen. When your child speaks, use active listening skills. Active listening skills include but aren't limited to repeating back the details of what you heard a person (in this case, your child) says, making eye contact, and putting down electronics or other possible distractions when they speak.

If you’re a good listener when your child talks about their feelings or thoughts, you have the opportunity to be a role model and avoid double standards. Similarly, if there's something you don't want your child to do as it pertains to communication or listening, don't do it. Even if you don't think your child's picking up on your behavior, they most likely are or will.

Listen to your child's feelings

Do you want to curb defiant behaviors? Are you one of the parents out there who believes your child may be listening due to a need for control? If so, one of the best parenting tips you discover could be listening to and validating your child's point of view. It's not about right or wrong, nor does it mean you should take back your request; it's about making them feel heard. Ask your child how they feel and listen.

When your child's feelings are expressed, show empathy and acknowledge their perspective. Words like "I hear that you feel frustrated, and it makes sense that you're tired; do this real quick, and then, it's time to rest" can go a long way. Just as parents can model listening skills, modeling respect and showing compassion can be key.

It's human to get upset when we repeat ourselves multiple times or feel like someone's not listening. However, it is critical to stay calm and compassionate. Research suggests that consistent positive interactions between parents and their children promote better mental and physical health outcomes (J. Child Fam Stud. 2016). Take a deep breath if you need to, and remember - no parent's perfect. Give yourself a pat on the back!

Takeaway

There are several reasons why it may seem that a child's not listening. Different parenting tips may work for families based on why their child doesn't listen or seems like they aren't. Modeling respect and listening skills, using specific and direct words, and providing explanations can all be ways to help kids listen and follow through. Try the tips in this article, taking into account what could be affecting your child's listening or behavior.