How to Motivate an Unmotivated Child: Follow These Proven Tips

You’ve probably been in this situation before: you need to do a chore – you know you’re capable of doing it, and you know it’s important – but you just don’t feel like doing it. Maybe you need to go to the post office or scrub down the shower. Whatever it is, you just can’t get yourself motivated to get up and complete the task.

The same thing happens to children. You might tell them that they need to unload the dishwasher, only to find them playing video games 10 minutes later. They choose to take a nap instead of doing their homework.

Dealing with a lack of motivation in children can be extremely frustrating for parents, but there are strategies you can use that may help.

In this article, I’ll talk about why different things motivate different kids. But first, I’ll also go through four ways to motivate a child who always seems unmotivated.

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How to Motivate an Unmotivated Child

If your child always seems to be unmotivated, it’s probably not because they’re “just lazy.” Behavior that comes across as “lazy” is almost always caused by something else. It could even be a sign of an underlying condition like depression or ADHD.

But being unmotivated isn’t necessarily a sign that something’s wrong. It could just mean that the adults in the child’s life haven’t yet figured out how to motivate them. 

That’s not to say it’s your fault that your child does not care or is unmotivated. It’s undoubtedly frustrating when your child has so much potential, and it seems like a lack of motivation is the only thing that’s getting in their way. Try to have empathy; as adults, we can easily lose motivation, too. And kids don’t tend to have very much control over what they do and how they do it. 

You probably already know from experience that nagging your child isn’t likely to help them feel more motivated – in fact, nagging can actually backfire. 

So what can parents do? Here are 4 tips to start with.

Use Effective Consequences and Rewards

Many kids need external rewards and consequences to feel motivated. This is called extrinsic motivation, which we’ll talk more about later.

But for rewards and consequences to actually motivate your child, they need to be effective. Don’t just choose random rewards and consequences. 

Once you’ve figured out what motivates your child, use these things as effective rewards. 

For example, your child may be naturally motivated to play soccer. You can use extra soccer time to reward them for doing their homework. Better yet, you can find ways to make doing homework feel more enjoyable – by using the Joon app, for example – so that your child feels more naturally motivated to complete this task.

Don’t underestimate the power of praise. The way you respond to your child directly after they show good behavior can make it more likely that they’ll repeat the behavior. For example, imagine that your child sat down to do their homework without prompting. Praise them right away for this behavior. They may become motivated to repeat this behavior in order to please you.

Effective rewards and consequences also give the child autonomy. For example, you can allow them to choose not to do their homework. Don’t step in to “rescue” them. But if they don’t do their homework, then they will face a natural consequence at school. Facing natural consequences may help your child understand the importance of a task and choose differently next time. Claim your 7 day free trial here.

Understand What a Child Is Motivated By

One effective strategy is to figure out what your child is motivated by. Just like adults, most kids have a hard time getting motivated for boring tasks they’re forced to do – things like chores and homework. 

But is your child motivated to do activities they’re interested in? It could be that they have no problem getting motivated when it comes to playing their favorite sport or reading their favorite books.

Show that you’re interested in these activities. Use them to help your child increase motivation to do other, not-as-interesting tasks. For example, they could pretend to be their favorite literary character as they do their homework.

If your child seems lazy or unmotivated to do anything, including basic self-care tasks like showering, then they may be experiencing an underlying medical issue (like depression, substance use disorder, or ADHD). In these cases, it’s a good idea to take them to see their pediatrician.

Don’t Yell or Scream

Most parents know that yelling at their kids doesn’t help them feel more motivated. We don’t yell because we think it’ll help – we yell because we’re frustrated and don’t know what else to do.

But yelling at your kids can make them feel stressed. And high amounts of stress can lead to your child feeling even more unfocused and unmotivated.

Find ways to keep your cool and control your temper. Some parents find it helpful to talk to a therapist or join a parent support group. Rather than yelling at your kids when they’re unmotivated, talk to them. Explore what’s keeping them from feeling motivated and work on solutions.

This is especially true if something like ADHD is behind your child’s lack of motivation. No amount of yelling or scolding can change your child’s brain activity and dopamine levels. Here's a guide on how to give consequences to a child with ADHD.

Be patient and persistent

Lastly, be patient with your child. It may be a long process to figure out what motivates your child.

Don’t get discouraged, and don’t give up on finding ways to motivate your child. Try different things until you find something that works. Look out for signs your child needs to see a therapist. Mental health issues could be a reason for a lack of motivation.

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

To understand your child’s lack of motivation, it might be helpful to view it in terms of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation is being motivated due to an inherent enjoyment of the task. Your sports-loving child’s motivation to practice soccer is an example of intrinsic motivation. They’re motivated to practice soccer because they simply love it, not because someone else has told them to. 

Extrinsic motivation is doing something in order to achieve a separate outcome. Using rewards and consequences to motivate your child is an example of extrinsic motivation. They aren’t motivated to complete their homework because they’re inherently interested in homework. They do it either to gain a reward or avoid a consequence.

Intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic motivation. When your child is intrinsically motivated, they’re doing something for the sake of doing it. Regardless of rewards or consequences, they will continue feeling motivated.

Find as many activities as possible that your child is intrinsically motivated to do. Encourage this type of motivation. Try to infuse enjoyment and fun into other activities so that your child becomes intrinsically motivated to do those things as well. For example, maybe your child enjoys spending time with you, so you turn homework into an activity you do together.

Experts say that self-determination also plays an important role. Allow your child to make choices. Even if your child is extrinsically motivated to complete certain tasks, there’s a big difference between motivation to complete tasks they’ve chosen to do and ones they’re forced to do. 

Takeaway

If your child seems chronically unmotivated, your first step is to get them checked out for any underlying health conditions. If there isn’t a medical explanation behind why your child is feeling this way, then use these tips to them feel more intrinsically motivated to complete important tasks. Games like Joon can help your child start to enjoy their chores and increase their intrinsic motivation for completing them.