What to Do if Your ADHD Child Needs Constant Attention

All children have moments or periods of attention-seeking behavior. The need for attention often stems from a need for security, boredom, or overstimulation. However, children with ADHD often exhibit attention-seeking behavior more than their neurotypical peers. 

Parenting a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is exhausting and requires creativity and patience. ADHD contributes to some negative behaviors because of a lack of impulse control, delayed emotional development, and trouble paying attention. So the more parents can promote good behavior through positive attention, the more their child's behavior will improve.

While there is no one size fits all solution to raising kids with ADHD, this article examines some of the factors behind attention-seeking behavior, positive ways to curb unwanted attention-seeking behavior, and when additional help may be necessary. 

Why Does My Child Need Constant Attention

Children seek attention for various reasons. Children often seek negative attention primarily because of a need for security, a lack of impulse control, boredom, loneliness, over or under-stimulation, or other mental health or behavioral problems. 

Kids with ADHD often lack self-confidence and may seek attention as reassurance. ADHD affects a child's social-emotional development, and young kids with ADHD are often behind other kids when it comes to recognizing social cues and responding appropriately in social settings. So what may seem like attention-seeking behavior may simply be a misreading of the room or a lack of impulse control. 

Parental use of technology has also been linked to children acting out. A 2017 study examines technoference, problematic parental technology use, and the link to child behavioral problems.

A related 2019 study showed that parents who used technology while parenting responded less effectively, with more hostility, and in general, paid less attention to their children. A child who feels they're not being given attention is more likely to display behavior problems and seek attention.

Signs of Attention-Seeking Behavior 

Children seeking attention may:

• Yell, shout or raise their voice.
• Cry, whine, or have tantrums.
• Interrupt or blurt out. 
• Defy or ignore adults.
• Run away or hide
• Engage in physical behaviors like pushing, hitting, and kicking.
• Destroy items accidentally or deliberately.

Some kids with ADHD may also have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Oppositional defiant disorder is characterized by anger, irritability, arguing, and defiance toward parents and other authority figures. 

Older children and teens may display the signs above, but they may also:

• Begin struggling or acting out at school.
• Engage in risky behaviors like illicit drugs, sexual behaviors, vandalism, or theft.
• Withdraw from friends and family.
• Lie, make up stories, or engage in manipulative behavior. 
• Have a consistent need for approval or reassurance.

While some of the teen behaviors may seem the opposite of attention-seeking, a teen who becomes withdrawn, starts failing at school, or engages in other types of risky or harmful behavior is often issuing a cry for help. 

A rare yet possible condition teens with ADHD may develop is Histrionic Personality Disorder, first recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1968.

How Can I Help My Child With ADHD Who Needs Attention?

Remember that children engaged in negative behaviors are not necessarily seeking negative attention, but negative attention is better than no attention. Therefore if you're not providing a child with ADHD with consistent, positive attention for positive behaviors, they'll seek attention any way they can. 

How Joon Can Help Your Child's Attention-Seeking Behavior

Kids with ADHD are easily distracted, often make careless mistakes, and struggle to manage their time effectively. Joon is designed to promote independence, increase focus, and improve task completion through gamification.

Joon helps motivate children with ADHD by motivating your child to focus, rewarding task completion, and building healthy habits. Joon mitigates ADHD symptoms by providing instant encouragement for positive behavior when completing tasks, something a child with ADHD constantly needs.

Examples of tasks parents could assign tasks like include: homework, making their bed, brushing their teeth, and getting dressed. Click here to claim your 7-day free trial.

Create a supportive environment 

Children seeking attention need frequent positive reinforcement, clear expectations, and supportive but consistent consequences in a loving environment. 

A supportive environment provides kids with ADHD a secure and safe space to explore their emotions, test boundaries, and learn from mistakes. And realistic and consistent consequences for inappropriate or undesirable behavior teach your child how to meet expectations. It is critical to note that consequences and discipline do not equal punishment. A consequence is a natural result of a child's choice. 

Parents should use consequences to teach their children desired behaviors and what happens when rules and expectations are unmet. A consequence should always be related to the behavior, and the best consequences are natural. 

Examples of Natural Consequences

• They didn't finish their homework: no electronics time.
• They didn't eat the dinner served; no snacks after dinner (you can save their meal and re-heat it if they say they're hungry)
• They didn't clean their room; remove some to make cleaning easier.
• They didn't put their clothing in the laundry bin; their favorite shirt isn't clean for school.
• They didn't wake up on time for school; breakfast is a cereal bar in the car. 
• They forget about an assignment until the last minute; receive a poor grade.
• They get caught on their phone or electronics after it is time to turn them off; they lose access to them for 24 -48 hours.

Avoid punitive or ineffective discipline strategies.

In many situations, kids with ADHD respond differently to standard discipline strategies and even more poorly to punitive strategies. Of course, there is no one-size fits all approach. But strategies attempted several times with no results should be altered. Either it is not resonating with them, is inappropriate for the situation, or is ineffective for a child with ADHD.

You will need to try a strategy several times before discovering its effectiveness. Most kids will push back against new discipline techniques and test boundaries. So don't give up if your child doesn't seem to respond the first time you try something new, and don't give in to them! Once you state the consequence, be prepared to follow through. You can re-evaluate later if that was the right choice, but if you change your mind when your child pushes back, they will quickly learn not to take you seriously, and their behavior will likely worsen next time. 

Avoid punitive punishments meant to shame or make your child feel guilty, as they will only decrease your child's self-worth and are typically ineffective. Spanking or any other type of physical punishment is shown to have detrimental effects on a child's self-esteem and does not teach children how to fix behavior problems.

Punishments like time-outs typically do not work for kids with ADHD because they already have trouble waiting patiently and lack the impulse control to sit still. However, parents can use a time-out in cases of extreme emotion on the part of the child or the parent. If you are feeling extremely emotional about your child's behavior or they have difficulty calming down, take time for you both to re-center before addressing the situation. 

When you or they need space, you can say, "I am feeling very angry right now, and I need some time to calm down and think before we talk. I will be back in five minutes." Or, "I see you are feeling very upset right now, and I want to talk to you about it, but I will give you some space to calm your emotions first. When you're ready, I'll be folding laundry downstairs."

Struggling to motivate your ADHD child?

 

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Have one on one time with them

Spending positive, one-on-one time with their child is one of the best things parents can do to improve behavior. Our kids want to spend time with us; they want us to cheer on their wins, support their failures, and guide them. 

Families today struggle to manage a healthy life and work balance. Between school, homework, work, sports, after-school activities, church, music lessons, and friends, there seems to be no time for family or self-care. But family time, especially one-on-one, benefits children of every age. It benefits parents too!

Kids whose parents spend quality time with them have fewer behavior problems, perform better at school, develop stronger social-emotional skills, and have better physical health. 

Seeking help for your child's attention-seeking behavior

If your child's attention-seeking behavior is testing the limit of your parenting strategies or you suspect your child may have a behavior disorder, it is time to call the pediatrician and schedule a meeting with your child's school. 

Children with ADHD benefit from consistency even more so than other kids. Therefore, the sooner parents learn practical strategies that promote good behavior and decrease the adverse side effects of common ADHD symptoms, the sooner kids improve.

In addition to seeking advice from your pediatrician or child's school, parents and family members may benefit from joining a support group or finding support from friends. 

Takeaway 

Children with ADHD often seek attention and validation, and many kids that don't receive positive attention for their behaviors are likely to act out to garner negative attention. To a child, any attention is better than no attention, so kids act out when they feel their parents are ignoring them or not meeting their needs. 

As a parent, it's essential to stay positive, even when your child doesn't behave as desired, engage your child in one-on-one time, and set clear expectations with related consequences.

Parents must provide a supportive environment for children with ADHD, set a positive behavior example, and manage negative behaviors as soon as they pop up with effective discipline strategies and professional help when needed. Choosing to ignore your when your child doesn't behave will only lead to further trouble.

Raising a child with ADHD presents challenges, and let's be honest, all kids do, but as a parent to someone with ADHD, you will need to employ specific techniques that address the needs of the ADHD brain and teach children essential life skills appropriate for their age. Doing so enables a child to thrive and become less likely to seek negative and constant attention from their parents.