How to Help Your Child Make Friends at School

School is one of the first places where many of us make friends. Helping kids learn how to make friends early in life can set them up for success. So, as a parent, what can you do? First, let’s address why a child might have difficulty making friends. 

Then, we will go over how to help your child make friends at school through means such as nurturing their social skills, understanding their emotions, and addressing any relevant behavioral problems.

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Why Your Child Might Have Difficulty Making Friends

Children might face difficulty making friends for various reasons. Hyperactivity/impulsivity symptoms, such as blurting, interrupting, or intruding on other people's activities and conversations, although unintentional, have the potential to cause social problems. Inattention symptoms, too, like trouble focusing (read how to help your child focus naturally), forgetfulness, or appearing as though one is not listening when spoken to, can have an impact. 

Unfortunately, negative perceptions can stick around, which can make it all the more complicated. However, your child can most certainly build and maintain a rich social life, and there are ways you can help. 

How to Help Your Child Make Friends at School

First and foremost, there are times when you may want to talk to your child's teacher about what’s going on, especially if they experience disruptive behavior at school, struggle with concerns like social anxiety, and so on. Communication with teachers can give a parent peace of mind, and it can be highly beneficial for your child. With that in mind, here are some ways to help your child make friends at school.

Nurture Their Social Skills

Nurture existing social skills and help your child build social skills in areas where they may lack. Give positive reinforcement when they are polite or exhibit an otherwise valuable social skill (e.g., "great job with that conversation" or "you are such a good friend/sibling."). When your child makes an error, redirect them gently. Rather than get upset, take a deep breath and calmly tell your child what to do instead. Be patient and explain why. Modeling courtesy and kindness in your own interactions with your child and with others is also a great start. Children mimic what they see and they often learn by following the example of those around them. 

Teach Emotional Intelligence 

You want to ensure that your child feels understood and learns to identify their own emotions. Work to grasp what they feel, and then, validate them. Let's say that your child gets frustrated when asked to take turns. Talk through social experiences like this with your child, and validate the way they feel. This doesn't mean letting maladaptive behavior slide. Instead, you might start the conversation with, "It sounds like you were frustrated, is that right?" Then, if applicable, let them get their feelings out. If they answer, listen attentively. Other kids might nod or stay quiet. After that, validate their feelings ("I know it's a fun game"), let them know what they can do instead and why ("taking turns is important"), and offer coping skills (e.g., deep breaths) they can use next time. 

Schedule Playdates When Appropriate

To help your child make friends, you may schedule playdates for them or teach them how to schedule playdates themselves. For example, you may teach them how to make a phone call and ask another child to come over if they can and are at the right age. 

It's best to schedule playdates and social activities when your child is also at their best. Ideally, this would be when they have gotten enough rest, have eaten, and aren't over or understimulated. They should be in a good place physically and mentally. 

Consider the length of playdates, too. Shorter playdates (two hours or less), especially if your child is young or new to social activities, can make it less likely that your child will become overwhelmed or experience a tantrum.

Practice at Home

When you practice social skills at home, your child will have the skills they need to make friends and interact with peers at school. One example of this for children who have trouble interrupting is practicing conversations where you take turns talking. Similar to teaching kids how to make a phone call and what to say when they make that phone call, teach them how to approach other children appropriately if they see someone they want to talk to or make friends with. For example, how and when to walk over and say, "Hi! Can I play with you?" or "Hi! What's your name?" 

Address Behavior Problems

There are multiple ways to address behavior problems common in those with ADHD. ADHD children may have a hard time making or keeping friends. These include aren’t limited to:

• Parent training. Parent training in behavior therapy is recommended for parents of kids with ADHD under the age of 12.
• Individual therapy. Individual behavior therapy for your child can help with social skills and other concerns they might be experiencing. 
• Social skills training. Social skills training focuses specifically on skills that help kids engage with others.

If ADHD symptoms in your kid are unmanaged and affect behavior, consider checking in with a healthcare provider you trust, such as their pediatrician or psychiatrist, for support with medication management and other possible options.

Learn About Their Interests to Engage Friends in Other Areas

Likely, your child with ADHD has a high level of interest in at least one topic or activity. This could be a sport, art, science, dancing, music, or something else. To keep your child stimulated and help them have enjoyable social experiences, involve them in activities where they’ll meet other children who like the same things. If their school has an afterschool activity that relates to one of their interests, it’s definitely something to consider. That said, it’s also an option to make friends in other areas, such as classes and activities outside of school. You may even find meetups, camps, or groups for children with ADHD and related conditions. 

Takeaway 

Some people find it more difficult to make friends than others, and ADHD can play a role. Even for those who don't make friends easily, it doesn't have to stay that way. There are ways to help your child make friends at school, such as communicating with teachers, nurturing their social skills, focusing on emotional regulation, and setting up playdates.